summonthesuit | IC Inbox

I was afraid of that.

[The words slip out with so much ease, he comes to regret them immediately. Cervo had asked him before whether he was afraid of having another in his body. And he isn't- not in the broad sense. He's afraid of the implied details, the fine print. So he shakes his head harshly, trying to correct himself as fast as possible.]

Not of- of them. But if there is someone else, it means they haven't gotten to come out for months on end. It's like being in a prison, innit? 'Cept worse.

[With that, he finally raises the coffee cup to his lips. There's a bitter taste forming in his mouth, and he'd like to wash it down.]

There are far worse places to be. It can be a... comforting thing, having someone to rely on day-to-day.

[What Diavolo knows best is what Diavolo has lived. He was content to curl up, to live a life in the shadows, to be left with his own thoughts while Doppio attended the needs of their daily life. If ever there was a time where, for months, he wasn't needed, not to crush opposition, to type up an email, to tend to something that Doppio could or would not — he would be perfectly fine with it.]

You think of them as imprisoned, but ... nothing is stopping them from emerging, correct? They may simply be content with the way things are.

[Diavolo may know best what he's lived, but so has Steven. There's one particular image he just can't shake: a curious room inside the mental ward representing their afterlife, empty except for one thing. A sarcophagus just like the one he'd been imprisoned in, wobbling in place, a furious pounding coming from inside it. If they'd stopped to open it back then...]

I hope that's what it is. But what if it's not? What if hunger's the only thing that gives them enough power to take the body? Or it's the only thing that can open that... [He gestures erratically between himself and Diavolo as he tries to find the right word.] That door between us? Keeping fed could be what's stopping them from emerging, but if I... If I go hungry to test it, who's to say they won't feed on one of my mates? Who's to say they even exist at all?

The only way to be sure is to test. If they will not communicate with you, then you will need to make the first step. Existing together without coordinating your efforts will lead you both to disaster.

[Diavolo is committed; he speaks as though there being two of them is a given. It is what he wants to be true, if only to have someone to relate to.]

Mmm...

[He doesn't know if he can test it. He made a promise to Quentin that he'd always feed in time, and since they hunt together, the man will know if he skips out on 'meals'. And if things do go wrong and Steven loses himself to someone who will feed on the first person they see, chances are that person would be Quentin too. He can't risk that.

He takes a quick sip of his coffee again.]

I tried putting up notes in my flat. So if they were to wake up at some point, they'd see them. Maybe write back. Hasn't happened yet, though.

Notes are a good idea. Although I would assume they are regularly conscious and aware of your surroundings to at least some small extent. [Diavolo certainly was, and Cervo, too, now] Talking to them would work just as well. Although few, I think, would be brave enough for that.

[Doppio is a glaring exception to that rule. No questioning, no doubt, no shame. Pick up the "phone" and speak.]

[Steven's lips curl into a bitter smile at that last sentiment, just for a few seconds. Cowardice isn't what's throwing a spanner in the works, there.]

I tried. The only way I know how, anyway.

[He's spoken plenty with Marc, back when they were both aware of each other. It'd felt a little strange at first, but it'd been easy enough to get the hang of. That trick doesn't work anymore, though. His reflections are just him and the more he tries to get in touch with anyone else, the sillier he feels about it.]

If they are regularly conscious, they're not willing to answer. Or can't.

[A heavy sigh as Diavolo thinks ... and thinks ... and comes up with no solution.]

Then, I suppose, you are at an impasse. It must be frustrating to be so close yet have no answers. If you do not wish to test their limits, and they do not wish to communicate ... then all you can do is wait for them to reveal themselves on their own terms. "You", I presume, will be pushed to the wayside once more when it happens. I hope you have a plan in place beforehand. If they are as erratic and violent as your story suggests, you must be prepared.

[It's really nice, in Steven's opinion, that Diavolo's giving the matter so much thought. That he's trying to help. They've only just met, after all. But maybe it's because he's already gained a lot of experience with stuff like this through Doppio.]

... How am I meant to prepare for someone who basically knocks me unconscious? And if they're aware of anything I do, they'll be aware of any plans I make to restrain them, won't they? [He pauses for a few seconds, his frown straining even further.] I can't... ask anyone else to get involved. 'Cause I don't want anyone to get hurt. Or worse.

Hm? I did not mean to imply that you should restrain them. You are the one concerned with keeping them at bay.

[They — if they do exist — have every right to their existence. Steven's concern here is safety; while it is not what interests Diavolo most about this subject, he plays into it.]

You can make steps to ensure that those you care about are kept safe. I do not know how similar the two of you look, but ... suppose someone approaches them, unsuspecting, thinking they are speaking to you. What will happen then? What is it drives them to action? Self-defense, hunger, anger, jealousy, something else...? Can you give those you cherish a proper warning if you do not even know what you aim to protect them from? If you do not speak, you will never find the answers. If you cannot speak, then someone else must do it on your behalf.

[His intensity ramps up as he speaks. He maintains a low tone, serious and sincere, but it's hard to disguise the intrigue he feels at the prospect of this other half to Steven.]

And I am willing to be that person.

[Huh. The notion of 'preparing' for someone erratic and violent held a strong implication of restraining in Steven's eyes. Physically restraining, anyway, to stop them from harming anyone else. Steven's perfectly willing to hand the body over for a while, but not if it leads to a massacre. It's true there are other steps to take, but... Yeah. The erratic and violent bit is what worries Steven most, where that's concerned.

All the more reason for Diavolo's offer to catch him off guard. He sets his coffee cup down, astounded.]

Ah- No, I couldn't ask that of you. What if you get attacked?

[How odd, this little display of emotion. Diavolo can reassure him.]

Then either I will hold them off, or I will be killed in my attempt. [It's a simple fact, a nonchalant statement.] But, you need not be concerned — I would not strike to kill, knowing that both of your lives are at stake.

[EXCUSE HIM- That- What-]

No- No, nooo...! If... If striking to kill is the best option, you gotta strike to kill. It's better that I die, innit? 'Cause I definitely don't want you to die.

[Blink.]

I have died before. Four times, by my count, here in Ryslig — and each time I return, and each time I learn a harsh lesson on what not to do. [Drolly, he recites:] Not to make requests of Mana without fully ensuring she understands precisely what it is that I desire. Not to fall victim to the whims of my own monstrous mind and blindly attack those who outnumber me. Not to spill my secrets in desperation; the risk far outweighs the benefit. Not to stare down a beast driven solely by starvation and read malice into every bite he takes of me.

[The scars, weak as they make him feel, serve as constant reminders to do better.]

Regardless, I do not see why it matters to you. If I die, I die — and I learn not to make that mistake again.

[Though ... there is someone who would miss him dearly if he was gone, no matter how brief his absence. He understands that now. So perhaps he should not be so careless in his curiosity.]

[The casual approach to death sends a little chill down Steven's spine. Sure, death may not be permanent here, but it's still a horrible experience to go through. He remembers talking to Ryou about it; that people like Javert have died so often, they've started to lose track of who they were and what was important to them.]

... Sorry. Maybe it's none of my business, but the way I see it, four times is four times too many. You learned a lesson, but you lost something in return, didn't you? Memories? I don't think you should let those slip away so easily.

So I've been told.

[By Marco and Reira in particular, their concern at his occasionally flippant attitude obvious.]

You must understand that I am not alone. If I lose some important memory, some vital part of myself in death — then Doppio will be there to remind me of who I am. If, by chance, I lose something worth forgetting, then there is no harm done. There, I believe, is more to gain here than there is to lose.

[Diavolo's tail flicks. There's the slightest trace of annoyance at the way Steven denies him, but he attempts to push it down.]

But ... if it is your desire that I not interfere, then I will not press.

[There's the lightest flicker of a smile, just a quick twitch of the lips, at the mention that Doppio will remind Diavolo of who he is. There's no guarantee that Doppio will be around in this place as long as is needed, but Steven hopes he will be. The notion of having someone there to keep you grounded... It's nice. Better than Steven's own tactic of writing everything important to him down in journals.]

It's... fine if you interfere. I just don't want it to come at the cost of your life, is all. That's just a bloody waste, innit? But if it turns out you can talk some sense into them- [His hand moves gingerly to his chest, fingers lingering above his heart.] Or you're powerful enough to keep them from causing harm... Then yeah. Go for it. Whatever it takes.

[And he does mean whatever it takes.]

Then, with your permission, Steven ... I will do my best. To communicate if I can, and to defend myself if I can't.

[This was not remotely the point of their meeting — but it is so much better than any of his original intentions.]

If I am correct ... then the two of you have something incredibly precious. I would hate to see that go to waste.

[Something precious, huh? Now that's bittersweet. He had something precious with Marc, even if at first he'd been suspicious. Maybe it's the same here. Maybe he's misunderstanding just what sort of person this hypothetical other would be.

Even though his brow is still set in a painful frown, he manages to send a smile Diavolo's way.]

Thanks. ...Really. It's hard to find folks who get it. But I reckon you have experience with this sort of thing, yeah? [He is, of course, referring to Doppio and Cervo, unaware of how deep this thing really goes.]

Is it so obvious? [Diavolo returns a solemn smile. It does not occur to him that Steven would know of the deer and his connection to Doppio. Cervo is too secretive, too quiet. What remains of his coffee is getting cold by now; he takes a quick sip before continuing.

A few short months ago, he wouldn't dare reveal such a secret. But circumstances have changed. Doppio knows, now, and so do the others from their world. Here he has an opportunity to share a little, to commiserate, to speak to someone who understands. What can he do but take it?]

I was once the same as you. Or, perhaps more accurately ... I may have been closer to the other you mentioned — the one from home.

[He what- Steven's eyes widen a little, his fingers running along the side of his coffee mug. Diavolo's like Marc? Does that mean he's the oldest in a system? Or the one with true memories? The one who would always jump in to take over from someone who was unaware it was even happening? ...All of that?]

Oh... I didn't think... [He shakes his head. It's nice to meet someone else like him- like Marc- but he shouldn't be happy about it. They're in the same predicament.] Sorry. That means you're missing someone important now, right?

[A little mix; nearly all of the above.]

No need to apologize. I confess that it is sometimes ... lonely, in this body by myself, but I have had time to grow accustomed to it. But, no, I would not say I am that missing him just yet. [Another sip, to finish the rest of the cup.] It has only been a few hours since we last parted, after all.

He's here?

[There's a twinge of jealousy, just out of reflex. He remembers how much he'd wanted Marc here, how conflicted he felt when it did happen and how much it hurt when Marc vanished again. He should be happy for Diavolo, but at the same time, he's on edge about it.]

[The change in tone is noticed.]

Mm. He arrived here first, all alone for nearly two years before I would join him. It's a miserable thing to think about. We, I think, were not meant to bear life alone. Not he and I ... and not you and yours.

[Two years... Steven can't even imagine. He's only been here for about six months, himself. But maybe he'd had his one chance already and he lost it. Maybe he'd done something wrong, or maybe it was just bad luck.

He stares down at the table, his voice getting progressively softer and shakier as he speaks.]

Marc was here before. That's his name- Marc. Got here two months after I did. Lucky, right? Except... It only lasted for about two weeks. Maybe three. I wasn't... I wasn't home when he left. Because of... That old mining town. I was sent there and he... He wasn't.

IC Inbox | Ryslig

OOOH BOI

he is processing this all from his own perspective

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oops my momentum fell off. i return

Yay!~

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welcome to diavolo's wild theorizing and worldviews based on a sample size of 1

Amazing! Beautiful!

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, HASNOFEAR. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 13.15.15.14 * HASNOFEAR has joined 13.15.15.14 <HASNOFEAR>** Hello! This is Steven Grant! If you need something, just leave me a message and I'll get back to you asap!