summonthesuit | IC Inbox

[Steven very much appreciates the joke! It makes him feel more at ease when people around him are cheerful enough to keep the mood lighthearted. That's why he chuckles quietly, hanging his head back.

Is it really that obvious he had a rough time last week? Oof... This is what he gets for not putting up walls the way Marc does.]

Aww, that's nice of you. I really appreciate that. Did you dodge the whole thing yourself, then?

[He may not know Bruno that well, but he does know that if the guy got turned into a Shade two weeks after finally changing his monster form to something else, that would suck.]

Well, I didn't get turned into a Shade. I'm... not sure what I would have done with myself if I had.

It was pretty hard, though. I don't think I like dying and being... I dunno, revived? Then again, I was hardly the only one. In fact, Normán and I came round in the Arcade at the same time.... [He chuckles a little, then sobers, looking a bit worried.]

I'm... just a little worried after folks who did get changed. It wasn't too bad for you, was it?

[hedge, hedge, hedge....]

[Some of Bruno's words hit him so hard, he stands frozen for a little bit even as the conversation continues. Then he quickly shakes the initial horror off, holding up a hand and waving it in a curt, frantic sort of way.]

Wait- Hang on...! You... You died? And Norman too? Are you okay?

As far as I know... [He looks down at himself, even patting his chest and middle with his hands as though assuring himself he was still solid. Yep, still there.] I feel fine.

This... happens a lot, here. People dying and coming back, I mean. Just... in general. The Fog usually brings you back the next time she changes the weather, but if you pledge to either her or to Elias they bring you back faster, it seems. [A beat.] If I think about it I'm liable to have an existential crisis, so I kinda... don't. Think about it.

[Oh, he knows. In the past seven months he's been here, he's seen friends die and he himself has died. It's far too much personal experience with the matter, in his opinion. His shoulders hunch and one of his hands ends up tangling its fingers into the hem of his shirt.]

That's not... That's not right though, is it? Folks just up and dying, treating it like it's just another shitty thing that happens here? 'Cause the more you die, the worse off you'll be, I hear. You'll start losing all the memories of the life you had before you came here, bit by bit.

No... no, it's not right. It's frightening. But we can't dwell on it, we gotta move forward, or it'll drive us all crazy. Or maybe just me. Maybe that's just how I'm dealing with it--moving forward because ruminating on it is really bad for me. I've done enough ruminating to know.

Anyway, the best we can do is stay careful. [A beat.] And write our memoirs. That might help.

And try to forgive.

[Sounds like there's a crux of the matter that's being reached.]

[That last bit sails straight over Steven's head, as it doesn't connect to anything relevant for him. Instead, he gets stuck on something Bruno said earlier.]

Oh, yeah, I write memoirs too. Sort of. I started listing all my memories, even the stuff that doesn't seem important. You never know, right? What it might tie into? And my memories are already a bit dodgy as is.

It's a good way of going about it.

[Dodgy memories....]

Speaking of which, do you remember any of what happened with all the Shades?

[Alright, that causes him to tense up uncomfortably. Dodgy memories, indeed. His gaze shoots right up towards the ceiling for a bit.]

Sort of... Um. I remember the first two days- Hated that. Everything after that just... [He moves a hand in front of his face and spreads his fingers, like he's mimicking a slow explosion.] Poof.

[Bruno nods as though this confirmed a long-held suspicion. In a way, it had.]

I hear a lot of people lost their memory of it. It's... not uncommon. I lost all kinds of little chunks of time when I was a Shade. Things got to be too much.

[He hems and haws for a moment, clearly not wanting to come out and say what needs said. He takes a breath and just blathers it all out.]

I just... well, I... wanted to see how you were doing because when I ran into you during all that, you weren't yourself. Uhm, literally. You didn't act like yourself at all, you didn't even sound like yourself... your accent was even different....

[It's weirdly nice to know the memory loss is common. It implies that maybe the blackout wasn't caused by what he thinks caused it. But then Bruno continues on, and it actually serves as the confirmation he's been dreading for a while now. It's the notion that he's not meant to be alone, therefore his mind constructed someone to fill the gap left behind by Marc. Or maybe... Maybe this person was always there.

His expression dips into something close to panic. Not at being found out, but at the realization that there is someone who can take his body away from him. And from what he's learned so far, that person strikes him as dangerous.]

You talked to...? ['Him'? 'Them'? 'Me'? He doesn't even know.] Are you okay?

He didn't say much, but it was enough.

[At the second question, though, Bruno shrugs.] I'm okay, now.

[There... really isn't anything else for it.]

['Okay now'? Oh, no. No no no, he doesn't like this one bit.]

Were... Were you hurt?

[Well, he's got to finish what he's started. He winces.] Yyyyeah, it's kindahowIdiedbutI'mokaynow,really

He killed you?!

[That is so much worse than anything he was expecting. It's Emily all over again. Whoever this alter is, he's clearly got no reservations about killing Steven's friends. That's not Marc; Marc would never.]

Yeah...

But look, I don't blame you. It wasn't you who did it, it was someone who was driving your body. [A beat.] It happens... well, not a lot, but it has happened before.

It's not meant to happen though. Taking the body and feeding 'cause I accidentally let us go hungry is one thing, but going 'round killing innocent people like that? That's just wrong.

Well, that's true, I'm not gonna say it's right...

I dunno why he did it, but he seemed... more than just angry. Enraged. Like so many people were, but... more so. Like the kind of enraged where you don't think about anything because you can't.

[Steven instinctively raises a hand to his chest, palm pressing over his heart. Why would his alter be angry? Is it because he isn't capable of taking the body more often, or is it because he's taking in all the anger that Steven himself keeps refusing?]

I'm... I'm sorry, mate. That's not something you should've had to deal with. I'm such a bloody numpty. I should've worked harder to find way to... to make sure this couldn't happen.

IC Inbox | Ryslig

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CW: Hollywood DID

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, HASNOFEAR. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 13.15.15.14 * HASNOFEAR has joined 13.15.15.14 <HASNOFEAR>** Hello! This is Steven Grant! If you need something, just leave me a message and I'll get back to you asap!